Crazy Mama

My eldest son has been "testing his limits" and pushing all of my buttons lately. So much so that he's got me questioning my own sanity! I'll have a particularly rough day and then end it by sitting on the floor of my closet, reading the Serafim pamphlet that my OB gave me, over and over again, trying to decide if the little pink pills will make me sane again, or if I'll just be an overly medicated mom with the same problems I had before. (Serafim, by the way, is a mild antidepressant, sometimes used for PMDD) And each time I read the pamphlet, I ask myself "why didn't I want to take these pills?" And then I get to the list of side effects. It's not the weightgain, the nausea, vomiting, irrritability, headaches, blurred vision, and potential for suicide that bother me. It's the "loss of sexual desire and/or function" that gets my goat. My libido is already at a pathetic level, but to suppress it even more would definitely be grounds for Jeremy's divorce! If I were the Department of Homeland Security, my libido would be on Code Red...high likelihood for disaster. So I'm hundled in the closet, thinking it over... Sanity or sex, sanity or sex, sanity or sex...hmmmm. Then I remember my wedding vows. Damn it! I think I remember the priest saying something about my hubby being "numero uno". (Although probably not in those exact words.) I draw the conclusion that I have to skip the pills in order to be the "sex-kitten" that God wants me to be, for my husband. Sanity will have to take a back seat, for now. So what will probably happen is I'll have great sex with my husband for the next few years, meanwhile screwing up my kids with my bizarre and insane behavior, thus saving my marriage. And then, just after my screwed-up kids finally leave the house for college, Jer will leave me for a younger woman. But at least that will open the door for me to FINALLY get to take my little pink pills! Viva Fluoxetine!