Posts
Oy vey, it really has been a long time since I've blogged, eh? I meant to pump one out yesterday, as promised, but AT&T was doing an upgrade and so our internet and cable were out all day. In other words, it was a very boring day!! Anyway, I've been wondering, all morning, what I should blog about...my anger over the Presidential race, that weird shooting pain I have in my uterine area (hummm, maybe I'll die form it and this nightmare will be over!), my current struggle to find the perfect medication for my bitchy mood swings, my realization that when you aren't allowed to drink alcohol suddenly everyone and their dog offers you a drink (ugh!), my poor sickly son, or the nauseated pit in my stomach created by our diminishing 401k (that's a big one). Ahh, what lovely choices. But I've decided to keep this blog more light-hearted. We could all use a good laugh, as opposed to bad news, right?
So here it goes...
This morning I spent about three hours watching clothes, cleaning the kitchen, mopping enormous amounts of dirt off of my floor, scraping doo-doo off of the wall (yes, I even get to do that...jealous?), plunging and scrubbing stopped up toilets, hosing off the kids after they made "beaver damns" outside in the dirt, and washing two days worth of crusty dishes. While I was doing this I realized that it's REALLY hard for me to imagine most of my friends doing all of this. Not that you don't, but I just can't imagine it. Everyone I know has a really clean house (and I get the feeling a maid does a lot of it), clean kids, and an overall pleasant appearance themselves. I can't envision all of you with your hair tied up in a scarf like a 1950's housewife, elbow-deep in crappy toilets and dirt. And so I can't help but wonder, "where are my people?" Where are the women like myself? Are we a largely diminishing group or have the rest of them figured out how to get all this work done and still find time to make themselves look nice too (unlike me)? If other women were like me, this is how "my peeps" would look:
1. They'd be wearing dirty nursing bras, strained peas or vomit on their shirts, and sensible shoes.
2. There hair would be greasy and their perfume would be too strong because they're sadly and unsuccessfully trying to cover up their foul odor, from lack of a daily shower.
3. No make-up...that requires time.
4. They'd be humming the theme songs to Backyardigans or Dora, and would be absolutely clueless as to who is actually popular right now. Still thinking that the Backstreet Boys are probably on tour.
5. They'd have NO idea what the date is. What does it matter? Everyday is Monday for us, right?
6. Their nail polish would be disgustingly chipped away because it's been weeks since you've given yourself a pedicure. (who pays for one?)
7. You haven't allowed a guest in your home in over 6months because you know they would never eat in your kitchen and would think you were lazy because you obviously never clean (no one would realize that's ALL you do all day!)
8. You NEVER wear shorts because you haven't shaved your legs in weeks...this doesn't effect your husband, of course, because you haven't had sex in weeks either. Why would you let him touch you, in this condition?! Gross!
9. Your dog AND your son have cheerios matted up in their hair. You're gonna have to just chop it all off!
10. The thin line between your pajamas and "workout pants" has been completely blurred, so you're quite likely to walk out the door in your jammies. And not give a damn, really.
11. You have bruises and scratches from head to toe, from your children flinging their toys at you all day. They have no respect for you.
12. And finally, you forget the meaning of simple, everyday words because you haven't used your intellect in years. You're growing dumber and dumber everyday, so that eventually you're too embarrassed to even engage in conversation! This is trew...troo.. true!
Somehow I feel like I'm alone in this, but I'm probably not. But why is it so hard for me to imagine my friends in this same condition? Maybe it's because they won't let me into their houses, eh?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Yeah! Great blog, and so trew, I mean true.
oh catherine, catherine, catherine...you are SO not alone. I spend most of my day pinning my screaming child down to change her dirty CLOTH diaper, then I get to take the diaper to the backyard to hose the poo off...pick up the trash the dogs have knocked over...etc etc etc. and does Lorelai lovingly look at me and say, "mama!" no. DADADADADADA. I swear I'm not bitter.
Well I obviously cannot understand you guys, but you guys make it look really easy is all I can say. No one is the wiser. Always look so put together. Houses look spotless. Anyway, i am fortunate that when I go through the same thing I will have so many strong women to give me good advice...haha...no time soon of course. Kimmy
spotless house?!! Ugh...I'll post a pic of my house...as soon as I can find the camera!
LOL...You are SO not alone. (1)You obviously didn't go upstairs when you were over - There's a reason for that (i.e. the pool room is now the laundry room; the laundry room is now the junk room; Jordan's room is now a science experiment; and you WILL break a toe if you walk through our bedroom in the dark). (2) I always just try to just keep the kitchen clean(ish)....that's were people end up hanging out, and that’s about all I can manage. (3) Next time you are over, please look in the corners and under the couch - there's enough dog hair/dust ball material to add at least 4 more furry members to our family. OH, I could go on and on and on....xo Traci
p.s. pajama pants (aka workout pants) make excellent outfits...I like to accessorize them with different styles of flip flops to match whichever of my husband's t-shirts I am sporting that day…
That is because you have 3 kids under the age of 4. My 9 month old is in her diaper 80% of the time, not because it is hot, rather less laundry. And houses are never clean unless guests are coming over. One of the blessings of living in Texas as opposed to Canada, (yes I am a Canuck) is the kids can play outside the majority of the time, thus less havoc inside. The neighbors may not appreciate the noise, well except the one down the road whose 6 year old twin boys come out to play.
Post a Comment