Random thought

Don't you just love it when someone else (meaning your kids or maybe even your husband) takes a huge dump in the toilet and it clogs the damn thing up? And you know no one else is going to volunteer to plunge it. Of course not...that's in my job description, right?! So while I'm furiously plunging away at the giant turd, the sickening brown water splashes into my eyes and onto my face. Nice. I frantically wash my face and hands (with steel wool and bleach!!!!) and yet I still am unable to eat with my hands that night at dinner. Gag! Boy, I can't wait to do this all over again tomorrow!

Twilight Zone, part 2

My kids and I just finished watching the Twilight Zone episode where the old lady gets a phone call from her dead husband. Pretty scary one. Later, I called my own husband at work and told him to call the house and pretend to be a ghost, on the phone. I wanted to scare the pants off of my kids. He said "Cat, they're four!" "I know!" I said, "They'll be really scared!" "You're sick, Cat" he replied. "Just do it!" I said, and I hung up. Ten minutes later, the phone rings. Brrrrrring. "Abby, it's for you" I say, handing my daughter the phone. The voice on the phone says "Helllllloooooooooo............thiiiiiiiiiiiis..............iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss..........a...ghoooooost...."

And Abby says, "Hi Daddy! We played in the swimming pool today." I grabbed the phone away from her and said "Man, you're lame!" Some people just have it and some don't. So I hung up the phone and quickly turned around and screamed "BOO!!!" They ran away screaming.
Mission accomplished.

Cue the eery music!

My twins are only 4 years old, but they're so smart that I sometimes find myself treating them like equals. This, I know, is a big mistake. But it just happens! For example, yesterday I was in the mood to watch some of my old Twilight Zone DVD's. After viewing the creepy episode with "Talky Tina", the murderous doll, Ian and Abby were hooked! They begged for more. Groovy! Now we could all sit around on the couch all day, eating junk food, and watching the Twilight Zone. It's my favorite thing to do in the summer! But ocassionally there was an episode that went over their heads and they would say, "Find a scary one Mama!"

And I'd say, "That one was scary!"

"No it wasn't!! Where's the ghost?!" they'd reply.

"Well, there may not be a ghost, but it's still creepy!" I say.

"No it's not!" they say.

Me: "Yes, it is!"

Abby: "No, it's not!"

Me: "Yes, it is! Look at that girl - she's kinda creepy." "She just popped up in the woods, outta freakin' nowhere!" "That's definitely weird!" "Come on!!"

Abby: "Uh, uh, Mama - she's just pretty."

Me: "She's weird"

Abby: "pretty"

Me: "weird!"

Abby: "pretty!!"

Me: "weird!!"

Abby: "pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then suddenly I snap out of it and realize that I've been arguing, with a 4 year old, about a show she has no business even watching! Oh well, we had fun. But consider yourself warned: if you see my little angel out and about and she starts quoting, "Hi, I'm Talky Tina, and I'm gonna kill you..." don't be afraid. She's just having fun. Our brand of bizarre fun, of course...but trust me, I think she'll be O.K.!

Lookin' Good?

I have so much I'd love to write about lately, but unfortunately, I can't always write about what I want to write about because it involves other, more sensitive people. Some things are best left unsaid, right? As soon as I choose to write about other people, it'll bite me in the ass. I'm too smart for that. But damn, I have so much material to make you laugh! It's killing me! Anyway, I'll stick to what I know best: me.

I recently went swimming at my sister's new pool. We all had a really great time and for the first time in my life I felt safe from criticism. Afterall, I was there with my own family, who never judges me on superficial things. For example, what I look like in a bathing suit! First of all, we all have the same pastey white legs and freckles. And secondly, they've seen my body for 34 years and there's nothing there that would surprise them. So I felt safe. So I bounced out in my new suit, white thighs jiggling and cellulite proudly displayed. My kids and I had a wonderful time swimming. But the very next day, my grandma called my mom's house and proceeded to give her sideline comments on how everyone looked in their bathing suits. Oh lord, I didn't know I was being watched! Did she have a camera, too? I forgot to look. Shit! I probably would have sucked in a little more or perhaps worn a very large bag over my body, if I had known I was being critiqued! Anyway, the official judgement was as follows: my mom apparently looked "best" in her suit, no comments were made about my sister (she managed to stay out of the radar somehow...lucky bitch), my 4-year old daughter's suit was "too small", and I need a "much bigger suit". I still don't know exactly what that means, but it sent my wheels a'turnin'! I know my breasts weren't falling out. That's impossible! I've never felt so self-conscious before in my life! Just when I was feeling content with myself, my own grandma said I look like hell. Crap. So, I went straight home, put on my suit, and stared into the mirror. Suddenly I started to notice even more cellulite and more stretch marks, and more spider veins. I was repulsed! How did I not notice this before? Oh well, it only took me 34 years to gain some self-confidence. What's another 34 years, right? So I was faced with one choice: start exercising like a mad woman or decide to just love what I have. The choice was clear to me. I work hard enough to raise my three children, keep up our household and take care of my husband. I'm gonna go eat a pint of cookies and cream ice cream!!!!

If today were my last day: I'd be glad that I ate the damn ice cream.

Carpe Diem

So my husband recently had a death in the family and it was such a young girl. These types of incidences always cause me to sit back and think about what's truly important in life. We're always encourage by elderly people and those who are dying, to enjoy each day that we have. "Carpe Diem" and all that stuff. But then we find ourselves getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and we forget to sit back and enjoy what might possibly be our last day on earth. The truth is, we NEVER really do know when it'll be our last day! Jer's cousin had no idea it would be her last day. How sad. So, in an attempt to "seize the moment", I'm going to end each blog with a "blurb" about my day and how I would feel if it were my last one. My own "last lecture", so to speak. (Althought I don't intend on going anywhere anytime soon!) I can't promise that my sick sense of humor won't taint the whole idea, but it still might help me to think about it for a while. I urge you to do the same...enjoy your day!
And here's todays thoughts:
If today where my last day on earth, I'd be glad that I let the kids trash the house because they seem to be having a really great time. My family would come in to help my husband and think that I was a terrible housewife, but I would know that I spent all afternoon laughing with my kids! I would probably wish that I had shaved my legs today, but that'll just have to wait...I'm busy playing!