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Sorry to hold out on you guys so long! My last blog was so long ago. I received some negative comments via email a couple of weeks ago and it pissed me off so much that I cut you ALL off. But I'm back and in full force! But here's my disclaimer: take me or leave me and keep your negative comments to yourself, or I'll start to give them back! I'm getting tired of being the nice guy. I won't do it anymore.
Anyway, I've realized that not everyone appreciates or understands my sense of humor. It's very blunt and sarcastic. I can't help myself. It's like tourettes. And I don't crack my jokes for the attention. I usually fling the zingers just to break the monotony in life. I'm constantly surrounded by mothers who are trying to project the right image: perfect mom, perfect house, perfect kids, etc. You know the type. My husband laughs at me and thinks I'm just trying to shock them with my sassy comments. There may be a little truth to that, deep down inside, but I think I just can't help myself! I have no self-control! In this "keeping up with the Jones'" world, it keeps me sane. I can't keep up with the Jones' and I refuse to try. (I know, I know...Amen Sister!) So I make fun of it all. But I digress.
I'd like to now give an example of the typical reaction to my sense of humor. I was at a party recently. The highlight of my year. (I have no social life) Yes, once in a while, Jer let's me out of my cage and I get to go drinking with the girls. Well, the other day, at this party, we were all talking about getting into our old clothes. I said that I wish I could get into my old bikini again, but if I did it'd make people sick to their stomaches. Another woman said, "you could TOTALLY pull it off!" (I beg to differ) I said "I'm a huge mess and I would rather die that get into that thing!" She continued, "it's so sad that we are held up to Hollywood standards and therefore someone as small as you would think she's disgusting!" I said, "maybe so, but it's ME who thinks I look disgusting, not anyone else." And she said, "I'm so tired of feeling like I'm too fat. And I'm so tired of men always staring at my breasts, as if there's nothing else to me." (well, I can't personally relate to that comment, but I definitely had something to say about it!) "I know," I said (a little too loudly, because I had a bit of vino in me). "women don't go around staring at men's cocks, wondering how big they are!!!" I say this while also cupping my private area, in proper demonstration. (I thought it helped illustrate my point better) It was at this exact moment when the entire room got completely silent and all eyes turned toward me, holding my stuff. (of course!!) Half of the room had smirks on their faces and the other half lookfed completely repulsed! I knew that this was probably my cue to go home and return to my cage. So I smiled with complete courage, held my head high, finished my wine, and went home. I laughed all the way home.
I may not get invited to that particular house again, but I gave myself a fucking fantastic laugh!!
Anyway, I've realized that not everyone appreciates or understands my sense of humor. It's very blunt and sarcastic. I can't help myself. It's like tourettes. And I don't crack my jokes for the attention. I usually fling the zingers just to break the monotony in life. I'm constantly surrounded by mothers who are trying to project the right image: perfect mom, perfect house, perfect kids, etc. You know the type. My husband laughs at me and thinks I'm just trying to shock them with my sassy comments. There may be a little truth to that, deep down inside, but I think I just can't help myself! I have no self-control! In this "keeping up with the Jones'" world, it keeps me sane. I can't keep up with the Jones' and I refuse to try. (I know, I know...Amen Sister!) So I make fun of it all. But I digress.
I'd like to now give an example of the typical reaction to my sense of humor. I was at a party recently. The highlight of my year. (I have no social life) Yes, once in a while, Jer let's me out of my cage and I get to go drinking with the girls. Well, the other day, at this party, we were all talking about getting into our old clothes. I said that I wish I could get into my old bikini again, but if I did it'd make people sick to their stomaches. Another woman said, "you could TOTALLY pull it off!" (I beg to differ) I said "I'm a huge mess and I would rather die that get into that thing!" She continued, "it's so sad that we are held up to Hollywood standards and therefore someone as small as you would think she's disgusting!" I said, "maybe so, but it's ME who thinks I look disgusting, not anyone else." And she said, "I'm so tired of feeling like I'm too fat. And I'm so tired of men always staring at my breasts, as if there's nothing else to me." (well, I can't personally relate to that comment, but I definitely had something to say about it!) "I know," I said (a little too loudly, because I had a bit of vino in me). "women don't go around staring at men's cocks, wondering how big they are!!!" I say this while also cupping my private area, in proper demonstration. (I thought it helped illustrate my point better) It was at this exact moment when the entire room got completely silent and all eyes turned toward me, holding my stuff. (of course!!) Half of the room had smirks on their faces and the other half lookfed completely repulsed! I knew that this was probably my cue to go home and return to my cage. So I smiled with complete courage, held my head high, finished my wine, and went home. I laughed all the way home.
I may not get invited to that particular house again, but I gave myself a fucking fantastic laugh!!
4 comments:
I love your sense of humor... Always have. I think it is a honest approach to raising children and living life.
Keep it up GRRRRRLLLLL. We love you.
awesome. screw the Jones' :)
you're like me, so don't ever feel bad about telling it like you see it. if they can't handle it, then you probably don't want to hang out with them anyway
I guess this was at my house. I don't even remember this girl. I think I do know who you were talking to though. I am so into saying what I want and sometimes I know I have pissed people off (one in particular that was at the house that night). I told her to get over it because that was me and at 38 years old my personality is totally not going to change. You are always welcome at my house for drinks girl.
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