A Quiz

Do you think you're an overly-competitive parent? Well I've come up with a sure-fire test to determine whether you are or not. Results will follow.
1) When it comes to accepting an invitation to a playdate, you:
a) accept them all because you love the free lunches
b) only accept the invites from "the right kids" because you're not afraid to admit that you engage in shameless social climbing
c) you never accept them because you hate everyone else's kids. They're ALL beneath your child!!

2) Your child acts up in the grocery store, you:
a) correct him and put him in time-out, not even noticing that you're both blocking the middle of the aisle (nor do you care)
b) say loudly, so that everyone can hear, "oh, you must be tired", making some lame excuse for him until you can finally get him into the car and cuss him out in private
c) start yelling at the checker who obviously upset your precious pooky by looking at him wrong!

3) When it comes to signing your toddler up for extracurricular activities, you:
a) sign up at the local YMCA, where the emphasis is on good, clean fun
b) sign them up for the local competitive league because you know your child is going to wipe the floor with the rest of the kids and he'll finally get the exposure he needs to jumpstart his sports career
c) don't bother signing him up at all because he's not old enough for the minor leagues, where you think he really belongs. And anything less just isn't good enough for him!

4) When it comes to bragging about your children, you:
a) talk about their achievements but also include their recent shenanigans in your conversation
b) try not to brag too much, but secretly love it when your kid is obviously better than someone else's (which, of course, tends to be most of the time!)
c) have considered including them as part of your resume

5) Your child's teacher holds a conference with you to discuss his misbehavior in the class, you:
a) listen to what she has to say, apologize, tell her you will deal with your child at home, and them punish your child; afterall, he really can be a little shit sometimes!
b) tell her you'll fix the problem, just to shut her up, and then take your kid out to lunch and both laugh about what an idiot his teacher is
c) cuss out the teacher because there's no way your little angel could be naughty, and then ask for a transfer into another class with "a competent teacher who isn't out to get your baby!"

Now it's time to tally the results:
If you had mostly A's- you're doing fine, keep up the good work. Afterall, our parents didn't treat us like immaculate conceptions and we turned out just fine!
If you had mostly B's- watch out! You're walking a fine line between loving your child and thinking that his shit doesn't stink. He could turn out to be a total loser or a great guy. It's a coin toss! Do you really want to risk it?
If you had mostly C's- Good lord. Get a grip!! Please seek therapy before your child becomes the unibomber!! Be aware that while you may love your precious angel, the rest of the world hates him. This is in your control!