The Second Coming

I guess because we've been discussing Christmas lately, my son has Jesus on his mind. While enjoying a coffee at the local Barnes and Noble bookstore, my son said to me, "Look, Baby Jesus!" And I asked, "Where?" (No, I wasn't expecting to see him!) I was thinking that he was probably looking at a picture or ornament or something. Then my son replied, "Right there!" He was pointing to an actual baby. Hey, he's two years old. We haven't had the all-too-important A.D. and B.C. talk, ok?!! So anyway, I said, "No, that's not Baby Jesus." But he was obviously bound and determined to spot Jesus in the Starbuck's of Barnes and Noble. It was like playing a Biblical version of Where's Waldo. He started pointing to any child under two feet tall, and asking if that was Him. "Is that him? Is that him? Is that him?" (I really have a LOT of patience when I'm with only one child. You'd be amazed.) I look over at the last child that my son has pointed to and I see a little boy with bed-head and he's sucking on his own shirt. "Nope. That's not him either, William." But then I can't help but wonder, what would the modern version of the second coming look like? Would he walk around in droopy diapers with chocolate on his face and vomit on his shirt? Would he quote Elmo and call his blanket a "woobie"? Would he sass back at his mom, and eat his boogers, like the rest of our kids do? How weird would that be?! Or maybe God will make him the most well-behaved child in modern history. Which would probably disturb most of us, as opposed to impress us. We'd want to know what was wrong with that weird child?!! In lieu of bowing down and praising him, we'd be more prone to poking and prodding him, like an alien autopsy. Then we'd piss him off so much that he'd run back to Heaven and tell God to waste our sorry asses. I'm sure of it!
But I digress, because this is actually supposed to be a sweet story. So, I finally ask my son, "Are you Baby Jesus?" And he said, "No Mama. I'm an angel." (all together now) Awwwwwwwwww! How sweet.