Law of Probability

It was Sunday afternoon and the sun was shining. Jer was home to help with the kids, so I thought it was the perfect time to mop our filthy kitchen floor. One hour, and a severe back ache later, I made that floor glow! Good job, Cat! I was tired, so I decided to nap. During my nap, it decided to pour down raining and the dog was still outside. After I woke from my nap, I let the dog inside and she destroyed the floor. There's was mud everywhere. This is my life.
I always wonder how other mothers seem to manage to keep a clean house, clean kids, and they themselves still look immaculate. How?! I wake up every morning and clean everyone up but as soon as we walk out the door we all look like total hell. To me, it's just the way it is when you have kids. But how do other mom's get away with it? I'll never know. That being said, I started thinking about all of the things that happen when you're a mom. I like to call it the "Law of Probability" (original, huh?) So here it is. The "laws" of mommyhood:
There's a 99.99% chance that your baby will have a major diaper blowout when the number of diapers in your bag is 1 or fewer.
There's an 80% chance you'll get puked on if you're dressed in your only interview suit that still fits around your fat butt, and you're just heading out the door for your big opportunity.
There's 0.5% probability that one or more of the kids will be sick on the night that you both decide your husband can go "out with the guys". But there's a 90% probability that all of the kids will get sick just before it's your turn to go out with the girls. (and of course your husband can't possibly handle them alone!)
There's a 100% chance that you'll soon get whatever illness the kids just had...ten fold!! (and if you're a stay-at-home mom this really sucks because you then have to care for your sick children while you are at deaths door, and your husband won't ever think of this and take the day off!)
There's a 75% chance that there's a kid sitting on the other side of your closed door while you're having sex. It's their mission to destroy any semblance of a sex-life you still may have. I'm sure of it!
There's a 100% chance that your kids will break something very valuable in someone else's home. Banning you from that house forever. (although I'm also 100% sure that they weren't a true friend if that incident got you thrown out forever)
There's a 70% chance that you'll lock yourself in the bathroom and cry like a baby at least once. The odds (and the frequency) greatly increase with the number of children you have!!
Now I feel compelled to end this with some sappy comment like "there's a 100% chance that you're kids will be grateful for all that you do" or something like that, but I just can't do it. Too cheesy.