Dr. B

My five year old twins are obssessed with "potty words". They spend the majority of their day laughing hysterically over words like "butt" and "poopie". They think they're hilarious! And they struggle, hour after hour, to come up with alternatives like "doodie face", "tushy head" and "butt nugget". So, I spend most of my time, of course, saying, "please stop saying that"........."please stop"......."STOP!" It's ridiculous. And I've become totally paranoid about the possibility of them sharing these words with their little friends at their preschool. I'm sure that would reflect well on me. "Mom of the Year" award, here I come!
But I've come to realize that as much as I struggle to keep my kids from finding humor in disgusting words, I fall victim to it myself. The other day, my husband came home with some HEB brand Dr. Pepper. It's called "Dr. B". And my husband said, "I guess since HEB stands for H.E. Butt, then this drink is Dr. Butt" And we both proceed to laugh our asses off. Good lord. And then we realized what we were doing. How do we expect our 5 year olds to rise above our own level of maturity? Pathetic!

ew, gross

Have you ever seen those shows about sick people who allow their nails or hair or other disgusting body parts to grow excessively, just to get into the Guiness Book of world records? You know what I'm talking about. And we're all thinking, "who are these people"?! And then you start to wonder, "how long, exactly, whould I allow something to grow on my body before my gag reflex was tested?" Well I can now answer that question: 1/4 inch. A normal, well-adjusted, human being with good hygeine will only allow 1/4 inch. You see, I have this awful mole on my arm (really just looks like a little freckle, but I hate it). It has a hair growing out of it that seems to have a mind of it's own. I noticed it getting a little long (I'm already testing your gag reflex with this storty, aren't I?). I thought, for one brief moment, what if I let it grow...how long would this thing actually get? I went three more days, out of curiosity. And once it reached about 1/4 inch I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to throw up every time I saw it. It seemed to be staring back at me and daring me to keep it going. No deal! I yanked it out, root and all. Hurt like hell, but it's gone. Who are these disgusting people who can just let these things go?!! 1/4 inch is definitely more than acceptable. That's my limit. (gross)