Annoying Adages

So I was cruisin around on the "Jedi Council Forum" of The Force.net  (So what?!  Leave me alone!)  Anyway, they were discussing some of Luke's most annoying quotes.  This got me thinking about some of the things we say that are the equivalent of running your nails down a chalkboard, for me.  Everytime I hear them my stomach churns and I wanna rip the tongue out of the messenger.  So here are a few examples of quotes that "get my goat".  (that would be #1...hehe)
OK, here we go, quotes that drive me nutbags:
2)  "It's not guns that kill people, it's people that kill people."  Do I even have to explain why this one is just plain stupid?!  Yes, I get the overall point.  If I just lay a gun down on the floor, it won't do a damn thing.  However, this still doesn't explained how every psycho on earth owning a gun is going to improve our odds of staying safe.  WHen I hear this expression, I envision a family of toothless half-wits, all sitting around staring at their family gun on the floor, waiting for it to jump up and shoot the intruder that just snuck in the back door.  Seriously.  This is just a stupid quote.


3)  "If life gives you a bowl of lemons, make lemonade".  I'm all for a nice, cool glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, but most the time life gives you shit.  Hmmm.  So what the hell am I supposed to do with that?


4)  "Live life to the fullest".  This one just pisses me off.  Don't get me wrong.  I'd love to live my life this selfishly.  However, doesn't this go against everything your parents ever taught you?  Just shirk your responsibility and go skydiving in Guatemala!  Have sex with lots of random people.  Swim naked in a lake during the coldest winter months.  What the hell!  Woohoo!!  Afterall, you may only live another 2 months, ooooor 82 more years (!!!!!!), but go ahead and do everything you ever wanted to do.  Live life without regard for your safety or those who love you.  This is grand advice.  (insert sarcastic voice here)


5)  "Everything happens for a reason".  Are you sure you want to stand behind this one?  My husband HATES that I spit my gum out on the sidewalk.  When you walk right into it, are you sure that it happened for a reason?  Or did you step into my gum because I'm an inconsiderate asshole and nothing more than that? 

6)  "When God closes a door, he opens a window".  First of all, is there a tornado coming?  Why are we opening and closing all of the doors and windows when the a/c is on?  Is God aware of how high my last electricity bill was?  Geez.

7)  "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"  (giggle, giggle.......I know, I'm extremely immature).  But seriously, what the hell does this even mean?  When was the last time you went into a Subway shop and tried to pay with a "bird in your hand".  "Oh wait, wait, I have two here in my bush, let me get those out for you, instead". 

8)  "What's done is done".....oh, really?  Thanks for enlightening me because I thought we were just getting started.  My bad.

9)  "Beat around the bush"...can anyone actually use this one without busting out laughing? (again I am giggling...sorry)   What's with all of the references to bush?  (I feel so dirty)


10)  ""Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies."  So we're supposed to just sit here in silence because you're a lying turd?  Well, thanks for being honest.  Or are you?  hmmm.


11) WWJD?  or "What would Jesus Do?".  While I do concede that this is a great way to live your life, I'm also aware of it's hypocrisy.  Don't you always see the "WWJD" sticker on the back of a huge, gas-guzzling SUV, next to the NRA sticker?  So Jesus would load up his crew in the soccer van and drive across town to eat pizza and play games at Chuck E. Cheese's, while bitching in traffic and screaming at the kids?  He would? OK, Cool.  I stand corrected. 


12)  "This too shall pass".  Thanks for explaining how time works.  I wasn't sure what was going to happen next!  Phew.  Glad you cleared that up for me.

Lucky 13) "Hard work never killed anybody".  (Explain that to this guy.  OUCH.)

And now for some quotes that I can appreciate:

1)  "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself."  Ethel Barrymore.

2)  "I am ready to meet my maker.  Whether my maker is ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter."  Winston Churchill

3)  "I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb."  Richard Feynman

4)“The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.”  Man, I love Stephen Hawking!