Retro Foods

Dinner time, in our house, is a daily nightmare. I struggle to find a decent variety of foods that my kids will actually eat. I made a committment to myself, a long time ago, that I would NOT be a short-order cook. In other words, they would not get to pick and choose, but they would eat whatever I gave them. Otherwise, they can choose to go hungry that night. But I'm finding that this theory is not fool-proof. Some nights they really would rather starve! Damn. Kids these days are so picky. This got me thinking about some of the things we ate as kids. If I offered them up to my kids, I'm sure they'd run screaming! They are so spoiled! On the other hand, here are a few examples of the fascinating things we "Generation X" kiddos ate:
Bologna: much more appropriately spelled "baloney"; we ate it everyday for lunch, and sometimes for dinner! Yes, dinner! Mom would fry it up in a pan and voila...a true delicacy! Turkey was only offered on Thanksgiving day!
Beanie Weenies: I think parents thought that giving it a cute name would increase it's appeal; sliced hot dogs with canned beans...yum. This was probably Mom's way of getting a week's worth of protein all in one meal! Admittedly, I still like these today.
Homemade pizza: sounds ok, right? Sure. Slices of white bread with ketchup and a slice of Kraft cheese, melted to perfection. Yum! Just like in Italy.
Spam: enough said, right? Gag! A large block of god-knows-what kind of meat, shamelessly poured straight out of the can and sliced; the salt content could bring up the Titanic. We'd be bloated for days! And since my grandfather worked for Hormel, we had our own personal Spam dealer. We were never deprived of Spam.
And for dessert? wonder bread slathered with butter and topped with sugar. Good lord.
Tang: OJ of the Astronauts! Now days this word takes on a whole new meaning, but I won't go into that.
That big block of shredded wheat: do they still sell that thing? Nowadays it's covered in yummy sugar and cut into bite-sized pieces (imagine that!). But the one I used to eat for breakfast was a huge hunk of dry wheat that would soak up all of the milk when placed in the bowl. It was like soggy cardboard. It took an act of God just to swallow it.
Salmon Croquettes: I believe this consisted of salmon from a can, mixed with some flour and egg and cooked until brown. This was probably considered the healthiest meal of the week. Afterall, it was fish, right? (at least I think it was)
And my all-time fav: (drum roll please) ..."shit on a shingle"...yes, you heard me right kids...our parents served us, without reservation, "shit on a shingle". To this day I still have no clue what that actually was; all I know is we ate it and didn't complain about it! They didn't even try to call it by another name. Maybe because that would reveal what was actually in it! Whatever it was, we got a hearty helping of it, usually with a side of beans. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!
What's wrong with our kids today? We've spoiled them. I say we bring back the goulash, egg salad, liver sausage on a cracker (also known as Braunschweiger...yeah, I ate that too) Mom's knew what they were doing back then. It was fast, easy, cheap (and damn creative if I must say so). Although nothing back then was really fast. A t.v. dinner took 40 minutes in the oven. But the point is this: we survived!

Sugarsnap peas

Here's my second story of the day. And I apologize that it is another crude one. I guess it says a lot about what I find funny. Anyway, last night at dinner, we had sugarsnap peas. Ian finds great pleasure in pulling open the pea pod and pulling out the peas. He said, "Mama, look! It looks like little nuts in a sack!" I giggled a bit and then continued to eat. A while later, Abby was refusing to eat her dinner and I was getting a bit annoyed. I asked her to please eat some of her vegetables, but she refused. Ian was sensing my frustration and decided to help me out. (Mama's boy) He yelled at Abby, "Abby, sit down and eat your nutsacks!!" I've learned some very serious lessons from the past and so I knew better than to laugh at that. It would definitely be followed by questions. So I swallowed my laugh until tears came running down my face. Kids really do say the funniest things!

Lookin' good, lady!

Every morning, when I drop the kids off at preschool, we are met at the door by one of the teachers. She's a very kind lady, but who I have to admit is also quite obese. I've never said anything about it to the kids. I may have a crude sense of humor, but NEVER at the expense of other people. That's not my style. Anyway, the other day one of my kids finally asked me, "Mom, why does that lady have such a big butt?" I responded with, "listen to me...if you can't say something nice about someone, then don't say anything at all. Keep your observations to yourself!" And then I busted out singing the song from "bambi"..."If you can't say something nice, shhhhh, say nothing..." You know the one. Then, today, when I dropped them off at school, my polite child proceeded to say, "Good morning miss. You have a nice butt!" Somewhere in our conversation my point was lost. Oh well, my child knows what he meant. I guess I just need to be proud that he tried to be nice!

Going "red"

This week I spent my time eliminating all of the toxic cleaning products that we have in our home, by making my own out of natural ingredients. I also started my own vegetable garden in the backyard. And I handwashed all of my dishes, in a small washtub. Then, during my online search for natural ingredients to make all-purpose cleaners, I came across an article that had me laughing hysterically. I'm all about continuing to strive toward being more "green", but this was ridiculous!! "How to make your own menstrual pads"!! Good lord. Women in the sixties didn't burn their bras only for us to take ten steps backward! It'll be a cold day in hell before I shove one of those bad boys between my legs. They're huge! They do look like they could double as a hot pad, when you're not menstruating though. There's a plus! I wonder if they have a pattern for tampons?

Law of Probability

It was Sunday afternoon and the sun was shining. Jer was home to help with the kids, so I thought it was the perfect time to mop our filthy kitchen floor. One hour, and a severe back ache later, I made that floor glow! Good job, Cat! I was tired, so I decided to nap. During my nap, it decided to pour down raining and the dog was still outside. After I woke from my nap, I let the dog inside and she destroyed the floor. There's was mud everywhere. This is my life.
I always wonder how other mothers seem to manage to keep a clean house, clean kids, and they themselves still look immaculate. How?! I wake up every morning and clean everyone up but as soon as we walk out the door we all look like total hell. To me, it's just the way it is when you have kids. But how do other mom's get away with it? I'll never know. That being said, I started thinking about all of the things that happen when you're a mom. I like to call it the "Law of Probability" (original, huh?) So here it is. The "laws" of mommyhood:
There's a 99.99% chance that your baby will have a major diaper blowout when the number of diapers in your bag is 1 or fewer.
There's an 80% chance you'll get puked on if you're dressed in your only interview suit that still fits around your fat butt, and you're just heading out the door for your big opportunity.
There's 0.5% probability that one or more of the kids will be sick on the night that you both decide your husband can go "out with the guys". But there's a 90% probability that all of the kids will get sick just before it's your turn to go out with the girls. (and of course your husband can't possibly handle them alone!)
There's a 100% chance that you'll soon get whatever illness the kids just had...ten fold!! (and if you're a stay-at-home mom this really sucks because you then have to care for your sick children while you are at deaths door, and your husband won't ever think of this and take the day off!)
There's a 75% chance that there's a kid sitting on the other side of your closed door while you're having sex. It's their mission to destroy any semblance of a sex-life you still may have. I'm sure of it!
There's a 100% chance that your kids will break something very valuable in someone else's home. Banning you from that house forever. (although I'm also 100% sure that they weren't a true friend if that incident got you thrown out forever)
There's a 70% chance that you'll lock yourself in the bathroom and cry like a baby at least once. The odds (and the frequency) greatly increase with the number of children you have!!
Now I feel compelled to end this with some sappy comment like "there's a 100% chance that you're kids will be grateful for all that you do" or something like that, but I just can't do it. Too cheesy.